I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
is it fun? or sober?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
