I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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