I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am one with the molecules
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
