Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
