If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
