she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
