Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
