Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
