Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
