I hate your face
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
