no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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