Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
