Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
