I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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