he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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