she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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