I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
