She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
