Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
