Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
