thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
