I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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