I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
