Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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