If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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