Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
