new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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