it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
