meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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