I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
