the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ketchup is God's man juice
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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