We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
