Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
