dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
