someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
