Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
