hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
