What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
