yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
