At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
