Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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