i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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