areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
