she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
