Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
