Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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