i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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