We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
