He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Even my vagina gasped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
