He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
