I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
