Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
