You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
