too bad you live with your parents still
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
