Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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