you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
