If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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