weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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